Midnight Ramblings of a CTO: Ode To My New AI Baby

by Thomas Helfrich, Chief Technology & Innovation Officer

It’s the middle of the night; I cannot sleep.
My dear AI investment, you’re making me weep.

To bring you to life, I paid a hefty price.
Professionally speaking, you're a roll of the dice.

The sales promises – they weren’t exactly lies –
But there’s no button here marked “intelligentize.”

Young AI, you were born with an empty mind.
Now I must feed you all the data I can find.

It’s a matter of training, of tapping potential.
Smarts are not a given – my role is essential.

Your relatives are flying off the store shelves.
They make it look easy, always improving themselves.

Though you mustn’t be like your cousin Siri
Always listening and recording, it’s just too eerie.

Your brother Watson could star on “American Greed.”
Too taxing and expensive – the budgets would bleed.

I need you to make good on IT’s outlay.
So you can’t take after your Uncle Microsoft Tay.

Your Great Aunt Alexa, she’s quite advanced
Learning and delivering at every chance.

Will you be that smart? Will you help our brand?
Will you improve performance? Or just get me canned?

It’s too early to say; I can’t take a break.
I must raise you as a child - advance your uptake.

For you to reach your promise and earn your keep,
You must learn on your own - and only then will I sleep.